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  • Writer's pictureSama

A Sex Positive Discussion of How Consensual Sex Can Still Contribute to Womb Wounding

First of all, I want to state that this article is sex positive. I by no means mean to drag us back into suppression or fear of our sexuality by writing this. I pray that all who read this and everyone in the world find their way to more pleasure and healthy sexuality for the healing of humanity. However, I do see some often subtle ways in which even consensual sex can contribute to womb wounding.

As a mostly heterosexual woman, the majority of my sexual experiences have been with men. So this is the dynamic I have the most experience with and can share about. I can imagine that some of the things I share about might apply to other sexual dynamics as well. Please receive what resonates to your experience and leave the rest.

Energetically, physically, and spiritually, the penis is designed to deliver a lot into the womb of a woman during intercourse. Physically, if internal ejaculation occurs, it is delivering thousands of tiny packages of that man's DNA which carries encoded information and energies about him and his ancestry. If internal ejaculation does not occur or is blocked, this information is still delivered energetically. The penis is a potent transmission wand. It is designed for men to transmit love, devotion, and vitality to the woman, along with the DNA, to nourish her through the potential pregnancy that can occur, either of a human baby or other types of creations. It is designed to continue to nourish her through loving communion and pleasure throughout her process of creation and birth.

Unfortunately, many, if not most, men are deeply wounded by circumcision. This global, multi-cultural tradition has damaged this transmission process and men's whole way of relating to sexuality and women for thousands of generations. On top of this, most men are not initiated into the full beauty, responsability, and wisdom of their sexuality. They have not learned to care for women's well being with their sexuality with them. They have learned to receive energetically and physically of the benefits of sexuality with a woman without giving beneficial energies back to her. Even if they think they are giving beneficial energies, it is often skewed by over valuing what he thinks would benefit her and what the woman truly wants and feels is left out of the equation.

To top it all off, women who speak up about what they want and feel in effective ways to men have been persecuted, hanged, beheaded, and burned at the stake for several millennia. Women have developed generations thick survival mechanisms of silence and making due with good enough. It is very difficult for women to truly start to ask for what they want in their sexual relationships with men. Many women still fake orgasms, have never had an orgasm, and wouldn't even know how to tell a sexual partner what to do to help her have an orgasm, let alone move towards a mutually ecstatic soul nourishing sacred union experience.

This is why there are so many sexual healing modalities springing up everywhere.

The result of this is that many women are having sex under various circumstances without having developed the ability to ask for what they want. So they are not fully satisfied with their sexual encounters. But they are also not satisfied in their relationships, family lives, workplace, or anywhere else, because they are not able to ask for what they want. Many women attempt to fill this void by concerning themselves with satisfying everyone else's desires, including their sexual partners. But it does not fill the void, it simply makes it emptier and emptier.

The combination of men not knowing how to give beneficial energy through sex and women not knowing how to ask for what they want is probably at the root of most failed relationships. Of course this dynamic sometimes does go in the reverse direction where men don't know how to ask for what they want and women don't know how to give beneficial sexual energy. But the damage this dynamic causes in the womb is what I want to talk about in this article.

What happens in this dynamic is what the man ends up depositing into the woman instead of beneficial vital energies is all of their emotional and ancestral pain. Processing this pain is a healing women can offer men from the power of their wombs to hold space for this release. Women then must process this energetically themselves, often as though the pain was their own. So men who know no other way of being sexual keep releasing this energy into their sexual partners. Women often keep receiving this energy and doing the work of processing it without even being aware that that is what is happening. This becomes a source of irritation, inflammation, and wounding over time.

Now this dynamic is often accompanied by similar imbalances in how intimacy flows between the sexual partners. Giving and receiving love and vitality in our day to day interactions is often something that becomes very difficult to sustain once we enter into intimacy that involves sexuality. As we let our guard down to experience closeness and pleasure together, our unresolved pain and wounding comes to the surface to receive the healing balm of this pleasure. If we don't have tools to take responsibility for this and effective ways of resolving our past traumas and emotional wounding stored in our bodies, then we end up projecting our pain on each other. And we activate often outdated and abusive coping patterns we learned as children. We also start acting like our parents behaved in their relationship with each other, or some opposite version of that behavior. We often end up re-inflicting the emotional wounding we received as children and inherited from our parents.

This emotional wounding often gets stored in the womb space and effects women's fertility and health in profound ways. It gets stored there because the womb naturally activates into the power of holding pain to transmute and menstruate that pain. Unfortunately with the shaming and suppression of menstruation, women have forgotten how to release all we take into that holding capacity. This shows up as womb stagnation, resulting in symptoms such as cramps, clots, brown or black blood, cysts, severe PMS, and infertility just to name a few. We have forgotten how to value the whole cycle of life. We have forgotten how to descend beneficially into the darkness and evoke the power of letting go. We hold and hold and soon we are in pain, sick, exhausted, and unhappy with our circumstances. Our wombs let us know with any number of ailments that something must change.

An important key I feel to liberating ourselves from this recycling of generations worth of pain and suffering in our relationships is to learn how to give and receive beneficial energy and vitality in our sexual and intimate encounters. This requires everyone to take the risk of asking for what would feel truly beneficial to them and for everyone to listen and give what their partners are asking for. With heterosexual couples, I would say that most often this process must first begin with men listening to women about what truly feels beneficial to them and giving that. And not just one time and then back to business as usual. This must become a central practice in their lives and partnerships for them to be sustainable. As I mentioned before, there are times that this dynamic works in reverse between men and women, but I am focusing on the damages this dynamic results in for women's wombs in this article.

Another key to this liberation and return to womb wellness is learning effective ways to process our emotions, including the grief and rage that comes up simply in the process of beginning to listen to our womb wisdom. We realize how many years we have not been asking for what we want and need and settling for good enough and we feel deeply sad and/or angry. We must go through all of the phases of grief around this realization, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, and not necessarily in that order. Although denial is very often the first one. We must give ourselves permission to feel, our bodies to move and make sounds in response to strong feelings. Our bodies carry instinctual wisdom about how to feel and work through emotions, but as we have suppressed our womb rhythms and flows, we have also suppressed the rhythms and flows of emotion. We must relearn to validate, honor, make space for, and celebrate the wisdom, beauty, strength, and power of these flows.

As we reconnect to the flow of womb wisdom, we are guided into healthier sexuality, intimacy and relationships. Our wombs tell us in no uncertain terms whether our choices are resulting in increased health and vitality or if our vitality is being drained. As we learn to speak up in our relationships and involve our partners in our journey towards womb wellness, our partners will either learn how to honor and nurture our wombs with us or not. If they do not, our wombs will make it clear in one way or another that we can no longer engage in sexual intimacy with that partner. If they do, we have the opportunity to explore sacred union and healing intimacy with our partners.

I feel returning to this creative sexual partnership that is mutually beneficial is an essential component of our human evolution into harmonious partnership with all of life. I also feel it is essential for our survival as a species.

May all reclaim their intrinsic wisdom and well being with harm to none. So it is.


Sama founded the Womb Centered Healing Temple in 2018 as a collaborative space to support people of all genders to learn about the importance of our experiences in and of the womb, heal the wounds inflicted on all of us by the womb abuse and suppression of patriarchy, and reclaim the power of the traditions of womb reverence that predate the patriarchal system. Together we can remember, re-activate, and re-establish our Womb Power as our center of personal power and inner guidance that will correct the course of humanity away from self destruction towards harmonious communion and belonging in the ecology of life.

She is offering the first round of the Bio-Mystical Womb Apprenticeship program, mostly to women on full scholarship as case study participants in her book writing project, in service to the intentions stated above. To learn more about the program, visit this page:

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