By Jessica
I take my own hand
Guide myself along a path
Of pulsing fingertips
Curiosity
Fascination
Wonder
What it feels like to be alive
Every sensation
Pleasure or pain
A unique flavor
Spicy or mild
Sharp or smooth
Dull or on fire
Movement is simply a response
Or instigation of sensation
Tingles create a trembling
Waves of core ecstasy
Evoke undulations
Shudders
Sudden shock waves
Trigger the primal curl
Trembling, undulating, shuddering
Curling
Can all evoke tingles, ecstasy
Shock waves of pain
The truth is
Nobody knows for certain
How this infinitely mysterious life
Will feel tomorrow
Or in an hour from now
We can guess
Based on past experience
We can choose movements
Hoping to create what we want
But ultimately
Nobody really knows
So we create elaborate structures
Institutions
With cement pillars
Marble countertops
Steel cabinets with locks
Security alarms
Guard dogs
Emergency alert sirens
To give us a false sense of knowing
We study textbooks
Take weekly quizzes
Discuss with colleagues
Earn degrees
Add letters after our names
Abbreviations for extensive titles
So others can relax into our knowing
All the while
Knowing we don’t really know
Learning to hold ambiguity
Mystery
In soft open palms
Allowing for differences in interpretation
Perspective
Ideals
So what’s the point of regulatory committees
If the forest will always end up a chaotic mess
Of fallen trees
Crossing branches
And rotting leaves covering the ground
A tangle of vines
A thicket of brambles
Impenetrable mystery
Winding through the network of roots
Connected by fungus
The sentient being that truly understands how knowing works
Offering nutrients and information
Wisdom to all it touches
Breaking down waste
Recycling life back into itself
We are no different than this forest
Connected by a mysterious intelligence
That’s only visible
When our fruiting bodies
Pop open under the right circumstances
Releasing our essence into the air
Jessica Huckabay is the founder of the Womb Centered Healing Temple and hosts Writing from the Womb Workshops weekly. Learn more about this and other offerings by exploring this site.
Evie is assisting Jessica to publish her work online