What part of the body did you associate with femininity or feminine power before connecting to your womb? Was that part of your body also associated with sexual appeal?
Mine was my breasts and yes, they were associated with sexual appeal until breast cancer came crashing in my world. I lost my large beautifully shaped breasts. They were the perfect size and curvy shape that matched the famous silhouetted female found on truck mud flaps or glass widow stickers.
I tell you, I was completely fooled. As I sit here typing I am laughing at myself. Oh boy, this modern culture got me! I truly thought my endowment was the source of feminine power.
I learned breasts were magical. How I moved or presented them made something happen. The older I got, the more I used my breasts as a source of manipulation, influence, persuasion, and attraction. If I was feeling spiteful or bored, could even tick off another woman by drawing her man's eye my way.
Yep, I thought I had this using her feminine power thing down. What grand power! What a true symbol of femininity! I totally bought sex appeal is a power. This hypersexual culture made me more desirable. Therefore, I'd get something or everything I wanted. When breast cancer took these beautiful naturally bouncing beauties away, I realized how much they reflected not only my "person" but they also reflected my "power."
Grasping on to my physical pieces and my feminine power, I opted for reconstructive breast surgery (a very different procedure than breast augmentation). The plastic surgeon botched it.
I had a total of three surgeries and a different surgeon to fix his mistakes to get my boobs somewhere next to a new normal.
While all of this was going on, there was another part of my body distracting me. This feeling was magnetic. I could not resist it. The strong pull dragged the energy of my head and heart down, down, down until it reached my womb and stuck there.
I was not trapped, but more like finally caught and returned.
I felt like I was finally home. I felt like I had endless regenerative abilities. I felt like I had a voice of reverential remembrance. I felt like I owned me.
With my attention now residing in my womb, my preoccupation with sexual appeal transformed. I had new ideas, resources, and perceptions. My womb focus flipped a switch turning on something entirely of my own- my true femininity. I was reunited, realigned, and reunified. All my parts were together and I was back to the beginning of who I was truly meant to be, my femininity.
To be in my femininity meant to be in the center of all that made me and makes me. Creation and creativity. The focus of conception, birthing, puberty, motherhood, inheritance, knowledge, nature, healthy aging, and death is creation's power which I inherited.
This is where my I feel the constant surge of reemergence generate again and again. This is where regeneration meets generations. No wonder my ancestors and I congregate here.
I not only opened to the continual process of creation, but I embraced the fact I am part of it. My whole body merges with my soul.
Welcome to bliss baby.
All of those times I thought my breasts were able to give me what I wanted was an illusion. I may have manipulated energy, but nothing came of it. I did not create a book, company, product, boundaries, strength, health, and wellness from my breasts. They, well honestly, I did nothing but further stunt my own growth and play into the objectification of women and make me constantly seek men for some kind of provision or reward. I was giving away my power to something outside of me. My physical appearance, be here breasts, and transferring my feminine power to men. $$hhhiiit!
The truth is, the BEST thing my breasts ever did was feed my daughter. Nursing her was one of the most satisfyingly blooming feelings of my breasts being in its true purpose. Breastfeeding is the feminine power of creation too. The milk ducts create milk to nurture and sustain life that came from the womb. So, I see, the essence of feminine power has, is, and will always be when women are connected to their wombs. The womb of creativity, pleasure, and discovery of sleeping gifts and knowing what my body and soul are here for. This is true power and there is nothing sexual about it in this context.
I believe this is what makes my fear and traumas around chronic sexual abuse history melt away more thoroughly than other therapies and approaches I've completed both short and long term. I am creative power through the body of the womb.
SPECIAL NOTE:
The picture below was taken by my 10 year old daughter. I mixed lipstick and menstrual blood together and painted the spiral on my womb area. The hand drawn flowers on my breasts and the bird integrated with the spiral, the title Free was drawn by her of her own creative expression. This occurred on the "Blood Bride Ritual" I made up. This was post menarche.
Participating in this womb apprenticeship changed my life. Though I was already in touch with womb and menstruation practices, I really needed a structured program and mentor for my me to immerse myself into my womb's innate power of creation inheriting everlasting wisdom.
I cannot say what would have or have not happened if I did not do participate in this womb journey in this way, but I can say my whole existence is peacefully happy.
In private conversation I told Sama "If I was to die today, I would leave here with my cup full."
The chalice is overflowing and neither death or destruction can empty it. It does bring a sense of immortality from within.
I believe if you are readings this now, your womb brought you here for a reason. If you are thinking about signing up for the womb apprenticeship may you continue to follow your womb's lead to discover your own truth of feminine essence of creative power and healing.
With love,
Jennifer
