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What If

Updated: Dec 21, 2021


By Jessica



There is an essence of you

An essence of me

That cannot be diminished

No matter how tall, how smothering

The heap of pain

Life piles on top of us

But instead grows infinitely brighter

Radiant with delight


That no matter what blindness

What numbness overcomes us

That we cannot feel that brilliance

At the core of each of our cells

Is simply playing a game of hide and seek

And laughing at the infinite ways we lose and find ourselves

Delighting perhaps more

In the journey of seemingly endless agony

That finally exhales

Into the peace of reunion

Underwater with the roots

Than in the journey blessed

With enough reminders

Of essential goodness

That there was not so much agony

To contrast with the peace


What if

This essence balances

Our cries of rage

With infinite compassion

Cradling our unmet infant needs

With the flow of unending life

The sway of massive elephant limbs

Surrounding us with great grey bellies

Tickling us with tufted tails

Until we remember how to giggle


What if it is in the longing for things missing

That miracles become possible


What if it is when we are on our knees

In complete surrender

Beyond despair

Beyond longing

Beyond hope



That this essence hears our silent cry

A flavor so precious

That the gateless gate is revealed


What if our essence

Is a connoisseur of revelation

Spending eternity

Crafting an infinite variety of lifetimes

In which we forget our essential brilliance

In the overwhelming violence of this world

Only to blossom in unique flavors, colors, aromas

Combinations of circumstances

All culminating in masterpieces of miraculous

Revelation

The deeper the fugue

The more exquisite the release into clarity


What if it is not a game of cruelty

But a training ground for compassion

And miracles

Where each trail that leads through

Desolation and horror

Eventually gives rise to equal quantity and quality

Of lush renewal

Exquisite beauty

And an expansive ocean

Of unconditional love


What if there are two ways to play

This game of what if

Imagining the horrors that await

Or the delights

And we get to choose

At any moment

Which one to play


Evie is assisting Jessica to publish work online

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